Mid-life crisis has caught up with me.
I want a man, in fact, every man I see.
It doesn’t matter at all which one.
They’d be toys to play with just for fun.

Age is no matter.  They could be young or old.
It would be nice if they were loaded with gold.
At this age, though, I’d take what I could get.
There are several nice men I have already met.

But A.I.D.S. has put the brakes on my lust.
I’ll do without because I know I must.
There’s always videos with sex scenes to watch,
And I just saw a man with a great looking crotch.

I’ll just look even though I can’t touch
Until the feelings inside me are not very much.
'Course, that might be a very long time.
It might not stop 'til I’m ninety-nine.